Not A Poet

Jamaal Tucker's Story

2011-03-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

I was born to a woman and a male,

I’d say a man but in that mode he failed

One of my few remembrances of him was of my first drink of brew

I remember that moment though I was only three maybe just two

Never did much else for me from what I’ve been told

But he did leave me this trumpet in my hand that I hold

Now he was long gone before I turned five

Leaving my moms with two kids, but somehow we still thrived

I never knew quite how we made it, and I never asked her why

But I remember her saying all works out if you first tithe

She taught me by example, I saw how hard she worked,

And it didn’t end on Friday cause we always went to church

It was there I sat and snored on those pews that were so worn

But it was there I first realized that I was born to play this horn

I played all the latest mass choir songs

And as I entered high school, on this horn I could do no wrong

When college scholarships came my way

I excitedly prepared for that fateful day

When I would finally leave home and the limits behind

I was ready for the world, I would blow the worlds mind

I didn’t know I was arrogant, with pride preceding a fall

I just knew I was good, in fact the best there was, that’s all

No doubt in my mind for fame I was born,

I mean after all, I was born to pay this horn.

By my junior year in college I was gigging every night

And by my senior year I dropped out, didn’t need school, and all was right

Little did I know I was beginning my fall,

Drowning in my arrogance and the lure of alcohol

The night life and women had my head in the clouds

In fact the enemy had my eyes covered in a shroud

I started showing up late, and leaving early

My attitude towards those that paid me became short and surly

Wasn’t long before many bridges I burned

Ended up pretty broke with nowhere to turn

Woke up one morning in a desperate valley

That’s a deep way of saying I was drunk in an alley

For some reason I cried Lord why am I so worn

He said son remember, you were born to play that horn

I said God I been playin’, but not anymore, end of story

He said son you haven’t played, until you’ve done so for my glory

I said where can I play, I been out here so long

He said son go back to church, I promise a new song

So I stepped into the sanctuary and the music stopped

Though the place was now carpeted you could hear a pin drop

I knew God made a mistake, he had to be wrong

My mom barely recognized me it had been so long

I thought I don’t know what grace is but I need it like never before

And I knew I had received it when the rocks hit the floor

There were smiles and hugs and kisses all around

As I continued to hear GRACE! In rocks hitting the ground

I learned a hard lesson, even though I was worn

To the Glory of God, I was born to play this horn.

Christmas

2010-12-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

Christmas Christmas Christmas

That’s the Holiday about the Lord, RIGHT?!?!!

The Holiday when people fight in stores Right?!?!?!

Allll about BLACK Friday deals

Not about Christ’s blood that heals

Buying gifts for pookie, june bug, an ‘em

Although they still aint got Jesus in them

Hookin kids up with X-box Kinect

Christ, or is it X; no wonder people forget.

Well I’ve had all the pleasures a phat X-mas can bring

And none of that helped me when my heart life did sting

Nothing money could do, nothing you could buy

I had to seek my healing through the baby born to die

In all your shopping you can’t by salvation

Although that message is obscured in this ravenous nation

So I start where I began, Christmas Christmas Christ. Mass

That’s the gift I leave with, The gift of his love that will last and last.

The Scent of Desperation

2010-06-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

When men smell desperation

It’s just like perspiration

That brings about meditation

That leads to a situation

That takes away your dedication

That leads you into condemnation

That really leads to complication

That takes you out of circulation

And eventually brings humiliation

It deadens your sense of illumination

That leads you into devastation

Next thing you know there’s no dedication

You move away from your obligation

And all because of desperation

Do you think you’re the only in the population

Who have had the scent of desperation?

by Liz Brown

REPRESENT

2010-05-03T10:23:00.000-07:00

Though hurt in the past,

I represent those who have hope for the future.

I represent those fully living in the now

not afraid to hurt again, but afraid not to live free again.

I represent love, the belief in love, the desire to give love, and even the occasional pain of love.

I represent the women who say they can't do it alone, to whom I say, I am never truly alone.

I represent Beauty from the inside out, the kind of beauty that is exclusive to women of color who are resilient

More than anything
I am humbled to say that just as I am I
Represent the One whose love, mercy, grace, and provision, carry me eternally

WYSIWYG

2010-03-29T08:44:00.001-07:00

What You See Is……

There was time that when I saw women, I saw sex

So I spoke sex, and I got sex

There was a time that, when I saw me, I saw misery,

So I spoke and sought misery, and thus I got misery

Misery from waking up and trying to remember this stranger’s name

Misery from feeling the familiar void in life’s games

Misery of trying to stay up late as if I could delay a new day of ……misery

Was a time when I saw women I saw greed,

And for some strange reason, all I could get, was greed

Wasn’t what I wanted, but maybe my misery wanted company.

One day someone saw me, and saw hope

So they spoke hope, and they got hope

They turned me to you, and you said “I am love”

Couldn’t see it at first, but when I could see it, I sought it

I could see it, I could get it

One day I met her, and somehow I saw……your…love….in….her

I could see love, I was scared, but I spoke love

And finally I could get love

Thanks for helping me see you, and get you, in everything I do.

Thanks for helping me to see better, so I could get….better

CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC

2010-03-25T13:19:00.001-07:00

Cautiously Optimistic, while long range realistic

(or is that pessimistic in disguise)

Enjoying the warmth your closeness brings

Trying to forget past breakups and stings

Grover Washington said Let it Flow

Freddy Jackson said Nice and Slow

Stevie said everything is alright,

But Luther said If Only for One Night

So with my feet firm on the ground

While trying to keep my hear out the clouds

Feeling my heart wanting to soar

Ignoring common sense and history’s roar

I know I hold too tightly to past pains

Which is worse than going back down memory lane

Who am I kidding it’s time to be bold

I’ll let go of the reigns and let fate (faith) take hold

Cautiously optimistic, but long range realistic

Life without love, is no life at all

But love sometimes hurts, don’t be afraid to fall

Just A One Night Stand

2009-11-30T08:10:00.001-08:00

Just a one night stand

Just another life unplanned

One more child be damned

UNDER ATTACK

2009-10-26T12:12:00.001-07:00

If I had only kept silent

If I had only kept my big mouth shut

Why did I have to attract so much attention

You never bothered me when I was out there

But now, you just can't vex me enough

You've touched my body; it aches.

You've touched my money; it's thin.

You've touched my clarity; cloudy inside an out

You've touched my friends; what friends?!?!

Why have I invited such an attack?

It is not fair.

Still, when I tried to figure it out, all I got was a splitting headache . . .

Until I entered the sanctuary of God.

Then I saw the whole picture: (Psalms 73:16-17)

No, not the sanctuary with all the well dressed people ignoring my plight, but the one within me

The one that was built......by my praise....

There I learned that my Praise of my maker got your attention

it moved you to attack me

My anointing provoked this attack.

Calling the heavenly hosts, for it's not in my strength I boast.

For I know victory is mine, one praise at a time

With my praise, I will attack back.

My silence is the victory you ultimately desire

But my God has carried me through the fire,

and placed me in a wealthy place.

So to my enemy......about face!

Can't You Take a Hint

2009-08-12T05:58:00.001-07:00

You called and got no answer......again

Can't you take a hint?

You said set up an appointment; let's meet.

I said uhhhh Ok.

Can't you take a hint?

You went for the lips, you got the cheek

You called, "Can we talk"

I said, "I can't speak"

You said, "I love you"

I said, "Me too"

You said, "What you doin' this weekend?"

I said, "I don't know."

You said, "Lets hook up"

I said, "Oh yeah I forgot......."

Can't you take a hint?

It's not you, it's me.

Running In Vain

2009-08-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

You called

I ran

You called,

but I was chasing something

You called,

but I was in hot pursuit

You called,

but I was busy enjoying my new conquest

You called,

but I was fighting my conquest

You called,

but I was chasing my conquest

You called

while I was mourning my lost conquest

You called

I said what

You said here

It was what I thought I was chasing

when you first called......................

(The blessing of ADONAI is what makes people rich,
and he doesn't mix sorrow with it. Proverbs 10:22)

Weekends (Haiku)

2009-05-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

I long for weekends
My job is not my calling
It's time for a change

STANDING ABLE

2009-05-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

I Am Standing

because He healed me

I Am Able

because He anointed me

I Am Standing

because He inspired me

I Am Able

because He empowered me

I Am Standing

because He defeats my enemies

I Am Able

because his strength is perfect in me

I Am Standing

because I have a testimony

I Am Able

because He never leaves me lonely

I Am Standing

to show others they can

I Am Able

because He showed me I can

I AM STANDING ABLE

Free Spirit

2009-05-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

Fresh

Real and

Elegantly

Evolving

Soaring in

Pursuit of God.

Inquiring

Relishing

Imminent

Time off

Bolder

Under God’s Leading

Totally in

Touch,

Eagerly awaiting

Retirement

Finally

Living

You

I've Lost A Great Friend

2009-05-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Sad to say
I realized today
a great relationship
has slipped away

Not an overnight severance
or a magical disappearance,
but a gradual decay
much to my dismay

But I'm a reconciler
not one to give up easy
It's my overwhelming desire
to have this charmer back with me

So I'm shaking off depression
fighting the enemy's oppression
determined not to let this good thing end
I'm reconciling with my friend

My friend

in the mirror

You Can't Win

2009-04-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

You can't win

the war within

since you continue to lash out

the pain you inflict without

metastasises your pain within

You can't win

the war within

until you accept

that you can't win

Relinquish the reigns

and thus relinquish your pain

Let him in

You can't win

The war within

until you

Let him in

Blogging - More Than I Thought - Haiku

2009-04-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Blogging was just words
How differently I feel now
Words are death and life

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:21

Ready? (an abc poem)

2009-04-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Are you ready to answer?

Because once you start you can’t quit

Called not by man but God

Destined for success yet

Enveloped in solitude

For your ear must be accessible

Go forth; but only if your sure.

He’s patient

Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow
and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

Tired Of Your "Sorry But"

2009-04-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Baby; I’m sorry I did you like that BUT
You put me on the spot in front of my boys
And you know that ain’t cool
Cause I can’t be looking like no punk
I’m Sorry BUT You know I love you
I’m Sorry BUT you know I aint never hit you like that before neither.

Baby I’m sorry BUT,
You wasn’t payin’ me no ‘tention
And yo girl was all up in ‘dis
Baby I’m sorry but,
You know since you had the baby
You been kinda distance and
I’m Sorry but a man gots needs baby
I’m sorry but you know this the first and last time Ima do something like this..........

Hi Sorry BUT. Just left you this note to say sorry but,
I had to leave you for a man. Yes a man.
No not another man. You don’t yet qualify to be called a man.
I’m sorry but, all hope is not lost.
The man I left you for has enough mercy for even you Sorry But.

"Come, see a man
who told me everything I ever did.
Could this be the Christ?" John 4:29

Not A Poet

2009-04-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not a poet
And I know it
You can critique
Even say it's weak
I'm not a poet
And I know it
But if this is a key
To keep me free
I'm not a poet
And I know it
But I wanna try
I wanna step out of my comfort zone
I wanna stretch
I wanna grow
I'm not a poet
And I know it
But this itch is there
Ya know?